The Random Rankings Thread

[The Sybian]

Man, I can only name the town/school for about half of the mascots on your list. As for the county seal, they are changing it. Damn shame, I love the story behind it, anfmd it’s comically horrible.

[rass]

Turned into a mini-swampup because flaco was there, too

[sancarlos]

Go, Columbia Cougars! (Good friends live in Maplewood.)

[The Sybian]

Go, Columbia Cougars! (Good friends live in Maplewood.)

Well, Rass did say Cougars were super common. I saw it and thought Chatham, but that’s not Union County, of course, it’s Morris County. And Maplewood is Essex County. Is there a third Cougar in Union?

[cerranoredux]

Go, Columbia Cougars! (Good friends live in Maplewood.)

Well, Rass did say Cougars were super common. I saw it and thought Chatham, but that’s not Union County, of course, it’s Morris County. And Maplewood is Essex County. Is there a third Cougar in Union?

Cranford Cougars.

ETA: You should know this, Syb!

[The Sybian]

Go, Columbia Cougars! (Good friends live in Maplewood.)

Well, Rass did say Cougars were super common. I saw it and thought Chatham, but that’s not Union County, of course, it’s Morris County. And Maplewood is Essex County. Is there a third Cougar in Union?

Cranford Cougars.

ETA: You should know this, Syb!

I should know a lot of things I don’t. My son has only run track and cross country, and I don’t care about the other teams, just watch him and his teammates times. It’ll be different in team sports, I’m sure I’ll learn the mascots next year.

[cerranoredux]

Go, Columbia Cougars! (Good friends live in Maplewood.)

Well, Rass did say Cougars were super common. I saw it and thought Chatham, but that’s not Union County, of course, it’s Morris County. And Maplewood is Essex County. Is there a third Cougar in Union?

Cranford Cougars.

ETA: You should know this, Syb!

I should know a lot of things I don’t. My son has only run track and cross country, and I don’t care about the other teams, just watch him and his teammates times. It’ll be different in team sports, I’m sure I’ll learn the mascots next year.

Mike and Sarah are disappointed that you don’t remember their alma mater.

[The Sybian]

I remember their alma mater, just never learned the mascot. Actually, I probably did know that at some point.

[Ryan]

UPDATE

National Parks I've Been To So Far, weighted 75% by "would I go back?" and 25% "man that was impressive" and also heavily influenced by weather

American League
1. Zion
2. Mount Rainier
3. Olympic
4. Kings Canyon
5. Sequoia
6. North Cascades

National League
7. Acadia
8. Shenandoah
9. Smokies

I think we're hitting 8 more out west next summer.

Dominican Winter League
10. Everglades
11. Biscayne
12. Dry Tortugas

Everglades was cool but it was the slow season for wildlife. Would go back in the winter/spring. But won't. A+ for the Tokyo Drift Airboat Tour though.
Biscayne is 99% water. We kayaked. Get the stamp and move on.
It takes major effort and time to get to Dry Tortugas. And you get there and it's a fort and a beach and a moat. Rained the whole time. Huge thunderstorms on the ferry. Kids were bored.

Desparately need to get back out west next year.

And we did!

19. Dry Tortugas
18. Biscayne
17. Pinnacles - Remember the Very Special Episode of whatever show you're thinking of where the family goes to the desert and you were very scared that the kids would get lost and eaten by vultures? Welcome to Pinnacles National Park! It's pretty new so the amenities aren't quite there - limited things to do for the non-serious-adventurers. We did 1.5 steep-ass trails (family on their way back during one of them said "anyone afraid of snakes?"). Crazy scenery though, especially if you continually remind yourself that you're like an hour west of Pebble Beach. Thanks, Obama.
16. Everglades
15. Channel Islands - Close your eyes and picture some big rocks off the coast of Southern California. Congratulations, you just saw the Channel Islands. We did a boat tour out to and around one of the smaller islands - could have kayaked or camped with more time but didn't really feel like we missed out on much. Beautiful experience, meh for a Capital-NP-National-Park. So many flies.
14. Smokies
13. Shenandoah
12. Acadia
11. Crater Lake - The Wet Grand Canyon. Way more in the middle of nowhere than I expected. At least half the park was still closed due to snow. We had planned on doing the boat trip to Wizard Island but it wasn't opening until the next day. Obviously one of the most beautiful spots on Earth, but once you get your doors blown off by that first glimpse of the lake, it's pretty much all the same after that. Rim trail with lake views. Backcountry hikes with lake views. Out of order bathrooms with lake views. If you're going to have a centerpiece you could do a whole lot worse but again, we like some diversity of activities and photo ops.
10. North Cascades - Not new, but just highlighting this to say it was so freaking amazing and could have been interior Alaska or Switzerland or Nepal or some other planet and now it's 10th best on my list. Praise Allah.
9. Sequoia
8. Grand Canyon - also not new but I refused to rank it until now. I'd love to go every day but only for about 10 minutes at a time if that makes sense. I actually appreciate the infrastructure a little more now that I've been to more remote places. The Disneyworld of NPs?
7. Kings Canyon
6. Redwoods - much like California itself, its not really fair to compare this one because its just so freaking big and diverse. The trees themselves didn't do it for me quite as much as Sequoia, but I'll take the extra 10,000,000 miles of trails, the coastal views and beaches, and the quiet dispersal of people over such a wide area. Also free.
5. Lassen Volcanic - Whoa! Who put this here? We went to bed in Redding and it was 109 outside. Woke up, drove an hour, and ended up on a climbing road beside snowdrifts that dwarfed our SUV. This was my shit. Meadows, alpine lakes, mud geysers, snowy peaks, informational hikes (Lassen erupted in the 1910s - it's the southernmost active volcano in the lower 48 and the only one to blow in the last 200 years other than Mount St. Helens). Portions of the park include "The Devastated Area" and "Bumpus Hell". Even the dead trees from the Dixie Fire were a sight to see. Baby Rainier, really.
4. Olympic
3. Mount Rainier
2. Yosemite - It's everything you read about. Look up-holy shit. Look far-holy shit. Look for parking-kill me. We didn't even get to the eastern reaches because the roads were still closed but everything we saw was so worth it. Awesome in-park lodge. Cool village area resembling civilization. And despite the congestion, we like a nice loop with defined stops and trailheads. Show me this in an off-peak time and I'd probably refuse to leave. El Capitan and Half Dome are right there outside your car window for the love of fuck. I only keep Zion ahead of it because of how otherworldly it was to us. Yosemite is like all the best parts of New England but with the BALCO VIP Pass
1. Zion

Other quick reviews:
Astoria - Kind of dumpy but if this is the worst of (coastal) Oregon, sign me up. Goonies for miles.
Cannon Beach/Seaside - I read The Tsunami Article a couple times a year and would still live here at the drop of a hat. Haystack Rock was one of the coolest things I've ever seen and the only people there on a summer evening were locals walking their dogs.
Crescent City, CA - Like if an old rust belt town was into surfing? Just the weirdest vibes here, but Seaquake Brewing was very very good.
Roosevelt Base Camp, Orick CA - This was crazy. Basically the motel from Schitts Creek on the outside but it everyone's wife took it over and designed the inside. Youneverknow.
Driving in Northern California in general - "Treeville 80 miles" "Treeville 40 miles" "Treeville 10 miles" "Welcome to Treeville Population 12 Elevation 40,000 ft". Also the only place I've ever been where I can confidently say that if you actually drove the speed limit, you'd die. They must have installed the curves after the signs. The state is fucking nuts.
Lorelei's House and the Gazebo from Gilmore Girls - yep, there they are. Jesus will you pull it together, the tram is leaving again in a second.
The Bartlet for America napkin from The West Wing - fuck, my turn.
Universal Studios Hollywood - we scheduled two days here and it was about 1.5 days too many. There's like 10 rides here and I'm including the ESCALATORS BUILT INTO THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN TO CONNECT TWO LEVELS OF A THEME PARK. Mario stuff was cool but wait for the Florida one if you're interested.
Disneyland - A lot of Disney here. Think it might catch on.

[rass]

Isn't Seaside where HTC ended?

[A_B]

Isn't Seaside where HTC ended?

It is!

[rass]

Isn't Seaside where HTC ended?

It is!

(sorry Ryan, the trip sounds awesome)

(I still have those shorts, wore them this week)

[A_B]

That first one looks like we're either disrobing or re-robing. At least the beach is there for some context.

(We both like making love at midnight on the dunes by the cape.)

[Ryan]

Glad you guys had fun!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sancarlos]

Hey, great post, Ryan. Thanks for sharing!

[Nonlinear FC]

We were recently at pub in VA and they had a very slimmed down version of the NP system and we started to realize... Wow, we've done a lot of these!

And that was before our stay out in CO in May and our trip to Utah.

I want to get a more detailed map where I can fill those in. It's definitely something my wife and I love to do and once we retire, gonna be a goal to hit as many as possible.

[tennbengal]

Hey, great post, Ryan. Thanks for sharing!

Excellent read, really. Highlight of my day. Thanks TF!

[rass]

The 5 hottest* billboards seen from the NJ Turnpike** on 2/4/24:

5. Emsculpt Neo

4. Selem Antonucci

3. Envy apples/Hallmark guy

2. EXXXotica Expo NJ

1. DiversifiedRack.com

*I’ve attempted to exclude any disappointment felt upon looking up any of these so I can base this ranking purely on the excitement felt upon initial sighting

**from exit 11 through the southern terminus and then back north from 0 through exit 11

[mister d]

Spindrift Flavors (non-lemonade, non-iced tea) Ranked:
1. Blood Orange Tangerine
2. Grapefruit
3. Blackberry
4. Mango Orange
5. Cucumber
6. Pineapple
7. Lemon Limeade
8. Lemon
9. Nojito
10. Lime

Have not tried due to opportunity: Cranberry Raspberry, Peach Strawberry

Have not tried despite opportunity: Raspberry Lime, Strawberry

Grapeade is immediately top 5, probably has upside of #2 overall. Now they just need a black cherry and I'd be totally satisfied.

[rass]

...i...just need a black c...and I'd be totally satisfied.

[rass]

Mascots/nicknames of the Union County (NJ) high schools that are competting in the 2022 County Conference Spring Track and Field Championships, ranked from most to least problematic:

1. Indians - the logo includes a feather but no human representation, so there are many schools, including in NJ, that are much worse as far as that goes, but still no good
2. Crusaders - at least this is a public school and not a Catholic school?
3. Blue Devils - before you accuse me of being unfair this town is definitely the Duke of Union County
4. Vikings
6. Raiders - I was going to have these two tie, but the Vikings are a Catholic school and Vikings weren't Christian much less Catholic so there's the tie-breaker
7. Royals - down with the monarchy
8. Pioneers - if I was being too woke they would have appeared earlier on the list
9. Comets - knocking them down farther than they would otherwise be because they're one of those schools who adds a "Lady" in front of the mascot/nickname for the female competitors. Weak.
10. Minutemen - warlike, but the county seal has a Red Coat shooting a woman in the back on it and we were a hotbed of Revolutionary War battles so we'll put them in the middle
11. Dragons - not real, and reminded me of the final couple of episodes of GoT
12. Highlanders - It's Scottish, so it's not crap
13. Cardinals - they flat out stole the logo from Arizona (NFL) (who stole it from St Louis?)
14. Panthers - they flat out stole the logo from Carolina (NFL) but at least they changed the accent color to red from blue
15. Lions
16. Tigers
17. Bears - oh my!
18. Cougars - about as common as you would expect at track meets made up of HS from a lot of very rich towns
19. Rams (ETA: there are two Rams, I missed a school when I originally wrote this up because I lost track of Roselle, Roselle Park and Roselle Catholic)
20. Hilltoppers (a goat) - Another set of similar options but (A) Hilltoppers sounds cooler and (B) is from a public school while Rams is from a $30K+ a year private school and (C) is boys only so the Rams thing seems like they're rubbing your nose in it a bit
21. Bulldogs- who hates bulldogs?
22. Farmers - they feed the world!

School is out but club meets are still going on and there isn’t a whole ranking here but we’re at the stadium complex for New Brunswick (NJ) HS and their mascot is a/the zebra, complete with a cool zebra logo at the 50 yard line.

North Plainfield HS is the Canucks.

[sancarlos]

Are you kidding? A school in Jersey nicknamed, the Canucks? Is there a story involved?

[rass]

I wouldn’t joke about something so serious so I looked it up just for you:

The Canuck nickname comes from the borough being called "Little Canada" for its location north of Plainfield and across the Green Brook, just as Canada lies north of the United States across the St. Lawrence River.

[sancarlos]

Mercí. Zut alors!

[rass]

I'm not scurred... I love JB.

I can watch Tenacious D episodes on a loop and School of Rock is one of my favorite movies.

oh no

[Giff]

I'm not scurred... I love JB.

I can watch Tenacious D episodes on a loop and School of Rock is one of my favorite movies.

oh no

Worthy of mention or their own thread?

[mister d]

#teamgass

[Nonlinear FC]

Yeah, I was away from my laptop most of last week and barely know what happened. Weird situation.

[sancarlos]

Some random aspects of modern life that have been pissing me off lately (not necessarily in order).

1. Neighbors who are Trumpers.
2. Ungodly fees added on to the price of concert tickets.
3. Paying $19.50 for a beer at a sporting event.
4. Server at the concession stand telling me they have to remove and take the cap from the bottled water and have no lids for the draft beers.
5. Dental insurance that doesn’t cover shit.

[Ryan]

This is getting very difficult. Cry myself a river.

23. Dry Tortugas
22. Biscayne
21. Pinnacles
20. Everglades
19. Channel Islands
18. Smokies
17. Shenandoah
16. Acadia
15. Rocky Mountain - admittedly half-assed experience here, as we were at the end of the trip, pretty sick, and chased by wildfires. Would go back to just drive around and look for animals, but the overall environment though was just a little too familiar to make the awe-inspiring section of the list.
14. Crater Lake
13. North Cascades
12. Sequoia
11. Grand Canyon
10. Kings Canyon
9. Grand Tetons - Feel like this should be higher, based on scenery per square mile, but the small size of the park and relative lack of diverse points of interest keep it in this range. Best food of the trip by far. Our hotel window looked out on what I would describe as "pretty much the Grand Tetons right in your face" so that was cool. This is also where sickness and smoke/haze started taking hold, so I'd go back in a second.
8. Redwoods
7. Lassen Volcanic
6. Glacier - Huge. Quiet. Beautiful. Stayed outside the park, but visited all the little lodge villages and they looked like so much fun. Driving Going-To-The-Sun Road was a total nightmare and I'd do it again. Possibly the most photogenic park on the list and one of the very few you (read: we) could spend a week at without repeating shit. According to Instagram, we missed Stacy Keibler and her family by a couple of weeks.
5. Yellowstone - If you're playing National Park Bingo (with the little red doors that you slide when you see something on your board) and can only visit one park, I guess make it this one. A little of everything. A lot of many things. Old Faithful was probably the 8th coolest thing I saw. Could pass for about 40 different states in different places. Also a couple planets. Almost cried at Inspiration Point. Didn't.
Cons: Didn't get the bison experience I was hoping for (saw a couple individual ones very close though). The Old Faithful Inn was 100 degrees at night and the restaurant was straight bad.
4. Olympic
3. Mount Rainier
2. Yosemite
1. Zion

Probably falls somewhere 1-3 but the Raptors title doesn't count so I have to remain consistent: Banff - Holy lord. Canoed on Lake Louise. Did a sunrise van and hike at Moraine Lake. Took the gondola to apparently Switzerland. Overrun by instagrammers? Yep. Are they adding filters? Somehow possibly not.

[EdRomero]

The summer, Rocky Mountain National Park sky rocketed to number one for me of the 7 I've been to on the list.

[HaulCitgo]

Your work here is appreciated

[Jerloma]

What's happening? You visited all of those parks?

[rass]

I think the bolds are ones he just visited recently, but yeah.

Pretty awesome. Not sure if this is going to finally compel me to write up my list of "local bagel places I can run to" (since I think I finally got to all of them) or shame me out of even bothering.

[Jerloma]

Those are all national?

[Ryan]

Correct - you can get full (2.5 sentence) reviews for the others earlier in the thread.

[L-Jam3]

I did Yellowstone last August, and it was the first National Park I’ve ever been to. That’s like losing your virginity to Aphrodite. I’ll admit that I welled up at least a couple of times. Got about 20 feet from a bison.

[Jerloma]

I went in 2001. Do they still give you a very detailed, gruesome description about what will happen if you fall into a hot spring?

[Ryan]

Yes

[L-Jam3]

We went with a guide. They described that the winter before they pulled out someone and only his Nikes were left.

ETA: which made me realize just now “wait, what kind of forever chemicals am I wearing right now?”