Swamp Travel Guide

[Nonlinear FC]

Yeah, like... So a story that kind of shaped how I (we) vacation. It's our honeymoon and we flew out to LA (5/6 hours) and then waited many hours to fly from LA to Papeete, Tahiti, which was something like an 8 or 9 hour flight. Essentially over 20 hours of travel.

We get picked up by the resort (our package has us staying on 3 different islands) on Huahine along with others apparently on the same itinerary. We are exhausted and you all know how even the smoothest of travel has you in a certain kind of tense, let's get this over with attitude/mentality. On top of literally just going through one of the biggest and one of the more stressful events of your life.

So, it's my bride and me and 5 or 6 other couples that get off the minibus, and the staff take of our luggage and ask us to go inside to check-in. We all dutifully clamber over to the desk while someone tries to give us all some kind of fruit drink. The staffers behind the desk look at all us lined up in a row and start chuckling. One of them says something to the effect of: "You all need to put yourself on island time... Relax... Everyone take a seat and we'll call you up. Reeeelaaaaaax..."

We all caught eyes with each other and started laughing. Like, it just didn't occur to all the weary American travelers that we didn't somehow need to be first in line to check-in. The room wasn't going anywhere, our luggage was taken care of... Chill...The Fuck... Out.

I say all that to say... Getting out of that mentality in SO MANY situations really helps keep you sane. Everything isn't a race or competition. The 5 minutes you saved by being all stressed out to be first in line just isn't worth it most of the time.

(And the pool chair stuff forces you into that mode and that's just a major bummer. When I"m on vacation, I don't want any of that shit creeping in.)

[sancarlos]

Good advice.

[rass]

I'd be shocked if most cruise lines haven't already found a way to monetize pool chair reservations such that if you're willing to pay an extra fee you won't need to worry about it.

[govmentchedda]

I'm just happy to be more than a "maybe we'll visit". Take THAT, in laws!

[HaulCitgo]

I'd sooner a land vacation although gazing at the ocean one of the best things about it. That said, buy some iv style bags and pack your booze and have a great time. Definitely had fun. Don't get violently ill.

[The Sybian]

Funny you would ask about cruises. We did one cruise 10 years ago, and I said I’d never do another one. Hell is other people. But it was one of those big ones with multi story ship. Now we’re going to go on another one next year - we just signed up. My wife and I and some old friends from Colorado. A river cruise in Bordeaux, Loire Valley and Northeast Spain’s Basque area. I’m told the river cruise is much more pleasurable than those big ships, and Viking gets good reviews from people I know.

Once I saw "river cruise" I immediately wanted to say "don't go on Viking!" Viking was a client of mine, and every year I'd go to their sales office in Boston and spend 3 days giving them sexual harassment/respectful workplace training. Always my favorite groups, as sales people in an interactive training where I try to bring humor is fantastic. Anyways, I learned SO much from them, and they all told me never to go on Viking. Yes, it's super-high end and expensive and they give great service, but:

The sales people would get rewards of a free cruise if they hit certain marks, and their take was "if you are under 80 years old, you'll be the youngest on the boat." River cruises are meant for people too old to walk, so they can see the cities without leaving the boat.

When I was there around the 2016 election, all the sales people complained that the customers would keep them on the phone spewing Trump bullshit and FoxNews talking points. One black guy made a comment about how 5 times a day a customer would ask to speak with someone else because he sounds black. I thought he was joking, then a white guy named Tyrone said he has to use a fake name, because so many customers refuse to speak to him assuming he is black because of his name. He got tired of trying to convince old people he was white.

I've done two cruises, and they were vastly different. I feel like I've typed this all before, so I'll be brief. Honeymoon we went on a Costa (Italian company) cruise through the Mediterranean. It was fantastic, as you felt like you were in Italy on the boat. Only 5% Americans and 10% English speakers, so it was easy to ignore people, or just laugh at the cheesy entertainment aimed at them. Food was phenomenal. IIRC, breakfast was a buffet and dinner was a fancy 3-course meal in the dining room. Lunch we always had on shore.

Did a Carnival cruise 4 or 5 years ago with the kids. Completely different experience, as the ship was meant for entertaining kids (sky cycle around the top of the ship, kids club, ropes course, etc...) It was good for the kids, but the downside was lots of kids everywhere. Food was plentiful, but not great. Also much more geared towards people partying, which wasn't a great mix with the kids, but whatever. Overall, still a decent experience and worth it. On the plus side, they had a brewpub onboard. Beer was average at best, but still a nice escape for me.

[Nonlinear FC]

What kind of parent names a white kid Tyrone?

That's fucked up.

[The Sybian]

What kind of parent names a white kid Tyrone?

That's fucked up.

In Boston, no less!

[sancarlos]

I had to laugh, Syb. Because I did hear that we are likely to be the "young people" on our cruise. But, the people we are traveling with hate Trump just like we do, so we'll be fine, there. The cruise is in 2025, so the election will be history, so likely we won't hear about Trump, or we will be discussing how he is causing the end of democracy as we know it... Did I mention we can bring our own alcohol on board?

[Ryan]

I mean, kids aren’t allowed and it costs several bucketfuls of an IRA so the target crowd is kinda predetermined

[The Sybian]

I had to laugh, Syb. Because I did hear that we are likely to be the "young people" on our cruise. But, the people we are traveling with hate Trump just like we do, so we'll be fine, there. The cruise is in 2025, so the election will be history, so likely we won't hear about Trump, or we will be discussing how he is causing the end of democracy as we know it... Did I mention we can bring our own alcohol on board?

My parents used to go on a cruise every year with a group of their friends. When I received a Viking catalog in the mail, I asked my father if he wanted me to send it to him. His response, "how fucking old do you think I am?"

[Shirley]

Yeah, like... So a story that kind of shaped how I (we) vacation. It's our honeymoon and we flew out to LA (5/6 hours) and then waited many hours to fly from LA to Papeete, Tahiti, which was something like an 8 or 9 hour flight. Essentially over 20 hours of travel.

We get picked up by the resort (our package has us staying on 3 different islands) on Huahine along with others apparently on the same itinerary. We are exhausted and you all know how even the smoothest of travel has you in a certain kind of tense, let's get this over with attitude/mentality. On top of literally just going through one of the biggest and one of the more stressful events of your life.

So, it's my bride and me and 5 or 6 other couples that get off the minibus, and the staff take of our luggage and ask us to go inside to check-in. We all dutifully clamber over to the desk while someone tries to give us all some kind of fruit drink. The staffers behind the desk look at all us lined up in a row and start chuckling. One of them says something to the effect of: "You all need to put yourself on island time... Relax... Everyone take a seat and we'll call you up. Reeeelaaaaaax..."

We all caught eyes with each other and started laughing. Like, it just didn't occur to all the weary American travelers that we didn't somehow need to be first in line to check-in. The room wasn't going anywhere, our luggage was taken care of... Chill...The Fuck... Out.

The wife and I had a very similar experience. We went to Moorea for our honeymoon, and with the travel from the east coast, we were pretty exhausted when we finally got to our hotel. But, the place is just incomprehensibly beautiful and they brought us that amazing fresh-squeezed juice. Once were realized WE WERE THERE, we just relaxed and had an amazing week.

[govmentchedda]

Funny you would ask about cruises. We did one cruise 10 years ago, and I said I’d never do another one. Hell is other people. But it was one of those big ones with multi story ship. Now we’re going to go on another one next year - we just signed up. My wife and I and some old friends from Colorado. A river cruise in Bordeaux, Loire Valley and Northeast Spain’s Basque area. I’m told the river cruise is much more pleasurable than those big ships, and Viking gets good reviews from people I know.

Once I saw "river cruise" I immediately wanted to say "don't go on Viking!" Viking was a client of mine, and every year I'd go to their sales office in Boston and spend 3 days giving them sexual harassment/respectful workplace training. Always my favorite groups, as sales people in an interactive training where I try to bring humor is fantastic. Anyways, I learned SO much from them, and they all told me never to go on Viking. Yes, it's super-high end and expensive and they give great service, but:

The sales people would get rewards of a free cruise if they hit certain marks, and their take was "if you are under 80 years old, you'll be the youngest on the boat." River cruises are meant for people too old to walk, so they can see the cities without leaving the boat.

When I was there around the 2016 election, all the sales people complained that the customers would keep them on the phone spewing Trump bullshit and FoxNews talking points. One black guy made a comment about how 5 times a day a customer would ask to speak with someone else because he sounds black. I thought he was joking, then a white guy named Tyrone said he has to use a fake name, because so many customers refuse to speak to him assuming he is black because of his name. He got tired of trying to convince old people he was white.

I've done two cruises, and they were vastly different. I feel like I've typed this all before, so I'll be brief. Honeymoon we went on a Costa (Italian company) cruise through the Mediterranean. It was fantastic, as you felt like you were in Italy on the boat. Only 5% Americans and 10% English speakers, so it was easy to ignore people, or just laugh at the cheesy entertainment aimed at them. Food was phenomenal. IIRC, breakfast was a buffet and dinner was a fancy 3-course meal in the dining room. Lunch we always had on shore.

Did a Carnival cruise 4 or 5 years ago with the kids. Completely different experience, as the ship was meant for entertaining kids (sky cycle around the top of the ship, kids club, ropes course, etc...) It was good for the kids, but the downside was lots of kids everywhere. Food was plentiful, but not great. Also much more geared towards people partying, which wasn't a great mix with the kids, but whatever. Overall, still a decent experience and worth it. On the plus side, they had a brewpub onboard. Beer was average at best, but still a nice escape for me.

A friend of a friend was likely the brewmaster on that boat. They brewed together at Brew Hub in Lakeland. Robby was the guy's name. Wild fucking dude.

[brian]

Anyone done cruises lately? I kind of swore them off a long time ago (i've never been but felt this way before COVID even) but got a pretty sweet deal on a ...well, a suite, and it goes out of Tampa so we can piggyback (hi johnnie!) it off a trip to see Chedda and maybe the in laws.

We got kicked in the tax balls this year, in addition to a significant bonus pool reduction so we weren't able to do what we wanted. We were hoping for europe or a high end resort somewhere because it's our 25th anniversary. Alas. It's already booked, so don't tell me not to do it at this point, but of course real feedback is fine even if it isn't all positive.

Been on like a dozen. Most here have summed it up pretty well but it’s not the worst way to spend a week.

[Ryan]

I’m looking at a Lonely Planet book called “Offbeat - 100 Amazing Places Away From the Tourist Trail” and one of the entries is “Buffalo, USA”

[brian]

I’m looking at a Lonely Planet book called “Offbeat - 100 Amazing Places Away From the Tourist Trail” and one of the entries is “Buffalo, USA”

Where’s the lie?

[MaxWebster]

well truthfully it's more like 40% Canadian so the clarification works...

[Shirley]

I’m looking at a Lonely Planet book called “Offbeat - 100 Amazing Places Away From the Tourist Trail” and one of the entries is “Buffalo, USA”

Where’s the lie?

Probably the “amazing” part.

[P.D.X.]

Possible one of the 20ish cities named Buffalo might creep toward ‘amazing’?

[brian]

I’m looking at a Lonely Planet book called “Offbeat - 100 Amazing Places Away From the Tourist Trail” and one of the entries is “Buffalo, USA”

Where’s the lie?

Probably the “amazing” part.

A touch of hyperbole maybe but it’s a fun hang.

ETA: Between May and October.

[Nonlinear FC]

I have a soft spot for Buffalo having attended World Juniors there and having a great time with my wife and daughter. (well-chronicled here, but it was 6 or so years ago at this point.)

[Nonlinear FC]

Jebus... Trying to book a room in Baltimore this weekend and everything's $$$...

Cool if I sleep on someone's futon up on this bitch?

[HaulCitgo]

The level of alcohol abuse at the preakness surpassed anything I have ever seen. Then they unleash them all on the neighborhood and transportation systems. Sign me up

[Nonlinear FC]

Yeah, I'm screwed. Trying to meet up with college buddies and we clearly didn't clock the race.