The Swamp

The Sybian wrote:

bfj wrote: I'm going to guess it is the present you give your wife after she pushes out a baby.

Thank you both for not knowing this!

wiki wrote:A push present (also known as a push gift, baby mama gift or baby bauble) is a present a father gives to the mother to mark the occasion of her giving birth to their child. In practice the present may be given before or after the birth, or even in the delivery room. The giving of push presents has supposedly grown in the United States in recent years. [1] A push gift is any type of present loved ones give to a woman who has recently given birth to a child.[2] The name push gift although indicative of a vaginal delivery does not exclude those women who have given birth through a C-section.

I was wrong?

I gave my wife gifts after both boys were born. Gold charms with the boys names.

Assuming BFJ's explanation is correct, that's a friggin' ridiculous present. Aside from the fact that the chick probably received a fuckton of baby gifts already, among countless other reasons most of which end with "fuck off".

Of what the hell else do we remain unaware that lurk as obligations? What singular milestones merit such celebratory recognition? Wife's first car accident? Grandma's first broken hip? Son's first boner? Daughter's first bloody snatch?

The next time I push out a huge dump, I expect a present.

Johnnie wrote:The next time I push out a huge dump, I expect a present.

You're going to make a great husband.

Scottie wrote:Assuming BFJ's explanation is correct, that's a friggin' ridiculous present. Aside from the fact that the chick probably received a fuckton of baby gifts already, among countless other reasons most of which end with "fuck off".

Baby gifts are for the baby. The "push gift" is for the mother.

bfj wrote:Baby gifts are for the baby. The "push gift" is for the mother.

Fortunately I have no children who can propose to get a single penny, nor friends of a fertile disposition; I am culturally inclined to be miserly, and my wife past child-bearing.

Scottie wrote:Wife's first car accident?

Is that for those who have taken an Asian bride? Or, are such husbands exempted? Now I'm confused.

howard wrote:

Scottie wrote:Wife's first car accident?

Is that for those who have taken an Asian bride? Or, are such husbands exempted? Now I'm confused.

If one marries a woman from, say, Hong Kong, car accidents are treated much the same as wedding anniversaries. For example, the 5th car accident is known as "Wooden", the 15th car accident is commonly called "Crystal". And the big one, the 50th car accident, is referred to as the "Golden Accident".

Scottie wrote:

howard wrote:

Scottie wrote:Wife's first car accident?

Is that for those who have taken an Asian bride? Or, are such husbands exempted? Now I'm confused.

If one marries a woman from, say, Hong Kong, car accidents are treated much the same as wedding anniversaries. For example, the 5th car accident is known as "Wooden", the 15th car accident is commonly called "Crystal". And the big one, the 50th car accident, is referred to as the "Golden Accident".

All of these usually take place within the first year of marriage.

bfj wrote:

Johnnie wrote:The next time I push out a huge dump, I expect a present.

You're going to make a great husband.

That assumes there's a girl who exists that finds me marriageable in the first place. You give me too much credit.

TheHumanComa wrote:Dear abby,
I'm dating this girl, i guess. i went to university with her, we were both in creative writing. we were in drama together two years in row, reading and writing plays. we were suppose to be watching them too but my mother was dying at the time so i didn't see any. anyway, i told her i never saw a play and i've now seen 8 plays with her since december. my problem is i don't know if these are dates or just creative writing friends watching plays together. Also i don't know if i'm attracted to her or not, the more time i spend with her the prettier she gets. I wasn't really attracted to her at first. do relationships build this slowly?
-horribly written question for an english major.

has this been resolved?

"Plays suck but your tits are spectacular"

Seeing ZMan's post on Facebook reminded me that Bang With Friends is kind of a thing. Anyone use that successfully? I'm 0-fer with it. But I doubt the girl friends I have would even use it to begin with.

Johnnie wrote:Seeing ZMan's post on Facebook reminded me that Bang With Friends is kind of a thing. Anyone use that successfully? I'm 0-fer with it. But I doubt the girl friends I have would even use it to begin with.

A little help for us old married guys?

I thought it was spam.

Bang with Friends. True genius. As I was shy and scared of girls in high school, and through most of college, this would've so gotten me laid.

I had to Bing "Bang With Friends". I thought it was a website for gangs.

I want to try Bang With Friends out of curiosity. Similar ideas have actually been around for a few years.

I wanted to make a Weiner Cousins app years ago but, like, apps? How do they work?

Apparently the "secret" app is not very hard to crack. Click here to see which of your friends uses the app. Sorry to out any Swampers, but you know you have no shame.

howard wrote:Bang with Friends. True genius. As I was shy and scared of girls in high school, and through most of college, this would've so gotten me laid.

Yeah, I certainly could have benefited as well.

The Sybian wrote:Apparently the "secret" app is not very hard to crack. Click here to see which of your friends uses the app. Sorry to out any Swampers, but you know you have no shame.

Apparently you can do that with every single app if you know its ID number. Awesome.

The Sybian wrote:Apparently the "secret" app is not very hard to crack. Click here to see which of your friends uses the app. Sorry to out any Swampers, but you know you have no shame.

WAY TO GO OILCAN!

Apparently only one of my friends is using that app.

And it's a Swamper.

Shirley wrote:Apparently only one of my friends is using that app.

And it's a Swamper.

So you didn't click the link above?

Brontoburglar wrote:

Shirley wrote:Apparently only one of my friends is using that app.

And it's a Swamper.

So you didn't click the link above?

Nice

Please shoot me down if this is as naive and horrible of an idea as I might suspect, but has anyone ever actually tried posting a missed connection on Craigslist or other similar site? Was in Boston last Friday and had a girl spontaneously strike up a conversation while walking beside me at the mall. Only lasted a minute and we went our separate ways, but she seemed to be sending signals of interest and of course I didn't pull the trigger.

I know the odds are miniscule at best, but would posting something be relatively risk-free, or am I just setting myself up for an avalanche of e-mails from trolls/con artists/psychos?

Johnny Carwash wrote:I know the odds are miniscule at best, but would posting something be relatively risk-free, or am I just setting myself up for an avalanche of e-mails from trolls/con artists/psychos?

Set up a new e-mail at yahoo or gmail or something to use before you do it. Could be entertaining, as you will probably get all sorts of responses. It should be harmless, but no doubt you'll get some wackos. And, who knows...

Johnny Carwash wrote:Please shoot me down if this is as naive and horrible of an idea as I might suspect, but has anyone ever actually tried posting a missed connection on Craigslist or other similar site? Was in Boston last Friday and had a girl spontaneously strike up a conversation while walking beside me at the mall. Only lasted a minute and we went our separate ways, but she seemed to be sending signals of interest and of course I didn't pull the trigger.

I know the odds are miniscule at best, but would posting something be relatively risk-free, or am I just setting myself up for an avalanche of e-mails from trolls/con artists/psychos?

Go for it! Nothing to lose, potential hilarity could ensue, or timy chance the girl or a friend may see it. Who knows, go for it!

Done (with an alternate e-mail, thanks for the suggestion SC). Will share any especially interesting responses from anyone but the intended person.

This whole "Swamp Dating Thread" business is bogus. As if we signed up for one of those Match-dot-com or Plenty-of-Fish sites where all the responses you get are just automated bot interest written by the serfs at some start-up Interweb company to drive traffic so they can chuck upsales at suckers who'll click on Guatemalan bathtub-formulated Viagra ads. Except we don't sell advertising. Or, well, can't. Face it, nobody, to the best of my knowledge, has found a life partner via this vicinity. Not yet, anyway. Even dinner at a reasonably fashionable establishment is on the decline. And the post-dinner movie? Well, pickings are slim. And in the aftermath? "Oh, hey, email me!" Yeah, even that doesn't have the double-entendre impact it once had.

I've been on this site for, what, seven years or something? Eight? Nine? I haven't had a single solid date that led to anything. Well, sure, beers with a few of the lads. Hockey games. The odd venture to Curling rinks (if anything is going to happen, it will be after a solid eight ends of curling). Then I never see them again. Really. Phone calls? Endless phone calls. But those aren't really dates, are they? And who knows to what authenticity we can credit those phone calls? For all I know, I could be romantically wooing some tragic buffalo who is doing laundry while stir-frying leftover Kraft Dinner mixed with ramen and chasing it with bargain bin sherry while I pitch suave Sprezzatura. People say the Interwebs are anonymous. Yeah, right. Try phones. For all you know, you could be talking to Rick Santorum's excommunicated brother-in-law during his tokens counting shift at the pay'n'peep. And it is getting more and more difficult to explain away to the missus. She'll pointedly ask "What's going on? Why are there so many unopened boxes of condoms stashed in the bathroom cupboards?" To which I'll offer that the Canada Post mail carrier must simply be delivering samples as they so periodically do with laundry detergent, fruit juice boxes or grocery store advertisements. This explanation may not be as effective as I am wont to believe.

Seven years, no dates. So what's the disconnect? My dulcet tones? The ceaseless wordplay that generally makes sense only to me? That FM Radio voice that you typically only tune in to when you are seeking a cure for insomnia? What do you call a self-inside joke? Some senseless psychiatrist could probably cough up an explanation for that. So what's the real obstruction here? Am I too demanding? Is the structure of concentric revenge circles in Hamlet really uninteresting conversational date banter? Since when did the history of Quebec Major Junior Hockey League positional play become ennui? What's the matter exactly? Do I cling? Do I cling? Is it the clinging? Am I the guy your mother fears will become part of your family?

Scottie wrote:This whole "Swamp Dating Thread" business is bogus. As if we signed up for one of those Match-dot-com or Plenty-of-Fish sites...

To be more accurate, the title should be something like, "Thread where the single guys titillate the old married guys with stories of their amorous adventures"

Bingo. You are too cling-y, scottie.

testy boxcar wrote:

The Sybian wrote:Apparently the "secret" app is not very hard to crack. Click here to see which of your friends uses the app. Sorry to out any Swampers, but you know you have no shame.

WAY TO GO OILCAN!

NO SHAME!!

It might be you, Scottie. Cerrano asked me to another Arsenal v. Newcastle game, though he does keep inviting other Swampers to join us. Not sure if it is a date and he is nervous or trying to keep it low key, or if I am reading the signs wrong and he just wants to be friends.

Scottie wrote:Am I the guy your mother fears will become part of your family?

I don't date Canadians. The flannel gives me a rash.

testuser2 wrote:I don't date Canadians. The flannel gives me a rash.

Y'know . . . most of that flannel is made in China.

Swamp rule #1.

I had a missed connection with Brian last week, but we're making up for it this week in Vegas by catching a portion of DET-CHI Game 1. Feel free to make jokes involving the phrase "Red Wings" and how I'll be showing up late, but in time for the "third period."

The Sybian wrote:It might be you, Scottie. Cerrano asked me to another Arsenal v. Newcastle game, though he does keep inviting other Swampers to join us. Not sure if it is a date and he is nervous or trying to keep it low key, or if I am reading the signs wrong and he just wants to be friends.

damn. i'll bow out of the picture then. I thought we had something there.

The Sybian wrote:It might be you, Scottie. Cerrano asked me to another Arsenal v. Newcastle game, though he does keep inviting other Swampers to join us. Not sure if it is a date and he is nervous or trying to keep it low key, or if I am reading the signs wrong and he just wants to be friends.

syb, shhh. i don't want juan to find out about our "rendezvous".