Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2017 - The Final Countdown

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 1:09 am

Ryan wrote:Unnnnbreakable...

Have I ever shared my theory here about how Netflix saved the economy? When I first read about 'The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,' I feared for our country, because I figured that productivity would grind to a halt whenever that show aired, or even when a mere 30-second commercial aired. Ellie Kemper's cuteness is just too much to deal with, you know?

But then it got picked up by Netflix instead of one of the networks. This makes it much easier to ignore. And our unemployment is the lowest it's been in years. Thank you, Netflix!

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 8:02 am

This time we'll ramp up the challenge a little bit and start in an arid shrubland zone. Not extremely inhospitable, but we'll have to contend with the heat and less ideal soil. Johnnie might find the area similar to his current real-life environs, but with less meth (or maybe not).

And here we go. This time our colony pet is a Yorkshire terrier named Karl. Weapons are assigned - rifle (Nonlinear), pistol (Johnnie), and knife (Gunpowder).

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 8:03 am

A refugee is seen on the horizon, running from angry tribespeople. Hey look, it's sancarlos!

sancarlos was a child spy who grew up to be a liberal arts teacher at a public school. He is good at shooting (I guess the school was in Oakland?), social interactions, and handling animals. He is a neurotic pessimist who dislikes women. He is also Ryan's father.

Here comes sancarlos's pursuer, a teenage warrior girl named Breixos. Our shots all wildly miss and she wounds a couple of us with a spear before Gunpowder stabs her to death.

Before long we have the basics of a decent settlement up and running. A review of the social dynamics shows that we generally get along, with the exception of Ryan being widely disliked for his creepy breathing. Even sancarlos, his father, only marginally likes him.

BSF21 · Post by **BSF21** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 8:04 am

Marshmellow > Karl

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 9:00 am

This ends with my CPAP mask stopping a bullet

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 10:59 am

So, Nonlinear seems to like being around me. (He and I look rather intimate in that first screencap.) That's good, because he has a gun and will be able to protect me. Or it might be bad because of the whole cannibal thing. Time will tell.

Post by **brian** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 11:01 am

I think you guys are looking at the cannibal thing all wrong. At least all of these marauders that get wasted by Group III will be put to good use.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 11:08 am

brian wrote:I think you guys are looking at the cannibal thing all wrong.

That's easy for you to say from the other side of the wall, but you don't know what it's like in here, man. We don't even have beer yet. I could really go for a Marshmallow IPA right about now.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 11:11 am

So from the poll, it looks like nobody thinks Nonlinear will die first? Are you assuming he won't go without eating someone first?

(Note that this shouldn't be construed as a hint either way.)

rass · Post by **rass** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 11:15 am

Loves hand to hand combat but refuses to use guns just seemed like a bad combo.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 11:50 am

Lunchtime update:

Bapo is attacked by mad rats! let's hope he doesn't go the way of howard.

We are attacked by a pirate band called "Crueltylineup," which sounds like some asshole teenager's Xbox Live handle. They only send one guy, though, and we easily dispatch him.

Nonlinear is insulted by Ryan and attacks him! Ryan refuses to fight back due to his aversion to violence and sustains multiple bruises across his body while Nonlinear walks away unscathed.

Ryan's artistic streak leads him to take up sculpting. His first completed sculpture depicts geese playing backgammon and the style is described as "symbolic with folksy elements."

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 11:56 am

bapo luckily manages to escape his rat attack with no long-term effects.

An escape pod crashes nearby and its occupant is a woman named Eddie, who is Nonlinear's ex-wife. What went wrong, Nonlinear? Was it the cannibalism? We successfully recruit her to the colony.

We get our first full group of raiders, from the tribe that was pursuing sancarlos. They are easily dispatched by Johnnie and Nonlinear.

Gunpowder, bapo, and Eddie all come down with the flu. Eddie has a mental breakdown and begins attacking Nonlinear while he provides aid to her. I can't believe it never worked out for you guys! Nonlinear hits her with his rifle butt her while Gunpowder goes around to stab her from behind to incapacitate her. She is subdued and patched up, but as soon as she can walk, she goes berserk and begins attacking people again! This time Johnnie shoots her in the hand to subdue her.

As we hit summer, the temperatures in this arid zone skyrocket well over 100 degrees and the heat begins to have an effect on the mental health of our settlers. Sancarlos, his neurotic nature compounded by the heat, takes off his pants and begins to wander around in a daze until he passes out from heat stroke.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 12:03 pm

JFC, Eddie!

Something about my foul mouth scent just keeps the ladies coming back for more.

rass · Post by **rass** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 12:04 pm

Nonlinear FC wrote:JFC, Eddie!

Something about my foul mouth scent just keeps the ladies coming back for more.

You drive her crazy, Nonlinear FYC.

wlu_lax6 · Post by **wlu_lax6** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 12:29 pm

Surprised Eddie has not tried to run the whole operation after getting called out for mouthing off. She has a M.O.

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 12:58 pm

rass wrote:You drive her crazy, Nonlinear FYC.

I can't tell if this is awful or amazing. I'm leaning towards amazing.

while Gunpowder goes around to stab her from behind to incapacitate her

Surely there was a better way to handle this. Unless he was just feeling stabby and took the opportunity that presented itself.

rass · Post by **rass** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 1:13 pm

bapo! wrote:
rass wrote:You drive her crazy, Nonlinear FYC.
I can't tell if this is awful or amazing. I'm leaning towards amazing.

It's a good thing.

Pruitt · Post by **Pruitt** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 1:19 pm

This is the most deranged thread I have ever seen.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 2:20 pm

bapo! wrote:
while Gunpowder goes around to stab her from behind to incapacitate her
Surely there was a better way to handle this. Unless he was just feeling stabby and took the opportunity that presented itself.

Yeah, the game doesn't really have a good way to safely subdue people. It's basically just shoot/stab/club them until they collapse and hope it doesn't actually kill them. It usually works, since as you've noticed people can take an insane amount of damage and survive, barring the occasional lucky/unlucky shot (sorry wlu_lax).

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 4:37 pm

I hope there is a good occasion for me to discipline my unruly son!

Also, it's amazing how art imitates real life:

Sancarlos, his neurotic nature compounded by the heat, takes off his pants and begins to wander around in a daze until he passes out from heat stroke.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 5:13 pm

Ugh, so embarrassing

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 5:29 pm

Ryan wrote:Ugh, so embarrassing

Why don't you just go jerk off over your geese playing backgammon sculpture.

Brontoburglar · Post by **Brontoburglar** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 6:14 pm

bfj wrote:
Ryan wrote:Ugh, so embarrassing
Why don't you just go jerk off over your geese playing backgammon sculpture.

moneyshot

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 6:14 pm

Still holds up

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 7:19 pm

Carwash

Can you inject players into the mix at will? Or maybe out another way, do you start with a maximum of 5 or is that just what you decided to do? (Apologies if I missed this logistical stuff in an earlier post.)

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 7:57 pm

Nonlinear FC wrote:Can you inject players into the mix at will? Or maybe out another way, do you start with a maximum of 5 or is that just what you decided to do? (Apologies if I missed this logistical stuff in an earlier post.)

I'm using a mod that lets me customize the initial set of people. I think you can have as many as 10, but I use 5 to keep it manageable. Additional characters showing up during the game are randomly generated and I can't edit them beyond their names. What I've been doing though starting with this game is "adapting" some of the later joiners to Swampers where it makes sense (this is how sancarlos showed up).

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 9:15 pm

Ryan wrote:Still holds up

It really does.

Johnnie · Post by **Johnnie** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 10:19 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote:Eddie has a mental breakdown and begins attacking Nonlinear while he provides aid to her. ... she goes berserk and begins attacking people again! This time Johnnie shoots her in the hand to subdue her.

Well, good to see that black on black crime is alive and well in this dystopian rando-world.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 7:57 am

We get an urgent message that a "poison ship" has landed nearby and will begin to release toxic gases unless we destroy it quickly. This should be easy, just walk up and shoot it and--

Holy shit! This thing emerges. Remember this thing? It was the doom of Swampville II. This time we're slightly luck in that it's "only" armed with a machine gun instead of an incendiary grenade launcher like before. Nonlinear and Johnnie start plinking at it from a distance with their guns. sancarlos reaches for his own gun but realizes he had dropped it during his earlier mental episode. It quickly becomes apparent that a couple of small arms won't be enough, so Gunpowder, bapo, and Eddie, with Karl the terrier in tow, swing around hoping to batter the robot from the side.

But, uh oh--the Centipede detects them coming and turns to meet them. The following all happen within a matter of seconds:
- A hail of bullets shreds Karl to pieces, and the Centipede rolls over what's left of him, squashing him flat.
- bapo is hit by six bullets to the chest and then one to the eye that kills him instantly! RIP bapo, you "win" the contest for first Swamper to die.
- Gunpowder's right foot is blown off.
- The Centipede pivots to Eddie and crushes her head like a melon. Happy, Nonlinear?
- Gunpowder attempts to run away in a serpentine pattern, but this is complicated by his foot being blown off, plus the fact that he had just gotten stoned on space-weed before the battle.

Eventually Nonlinear and Johnnie's shots bring down the robot and we prevail, but at a high cost.

Johnny Carwash · Post by **Johnny Carwash** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 7:57 am

So with that bloody episode over, we pick up the pieces (literally) and try to get back to some semblance of normal life.

Taking a lesson from what happened to Marshmallow last time, I make sure to send specific "Do not butcher Yorkshire terriers" instructions to the kitchen.

The continued blazing heat, combined with the harrowing events just witnessed, cause a spiral of mental breaks. In close succession, the following happen:
- Nonlinear goes berserk; the others shoot him and drag him to the infirmary.
- Sancarlos goes berserk; Gunpowder stabs him and drags him to the infirmary.
- Gunpowder goes berserk and attempts to stab a domesticated gazelle; Nonlinear and Johnnie approach him from behind while he's distracted, shoot him and drag him to the infirmary.

Sancarlos goes berserk again and stomps off with his rifle, determined to shoot any living thing in his field of view. Since he's wandered a ways away from the base, we decide to just stay clear of him this time, hoping it passes. Then he sees an emu walking by and opens fire. The emu rushes him and mercilessly pecks him to death! We kill and eat the emu in his memory.

Post by **Sabo** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:00 am

Swampville is hard. Like penguins hard.

Ryan · Post by **Ryan** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:13 am

That empty chair with your name on it at my 10th grade bird exhibition would make a nice grave marker

mister d · Post by **mister d** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:22 am

Johnny Carwash wrote:- Nonlinear goes berserk; the others shoot him and drag him to the infirmary.
- Sancarlos goes berserk; Gunpowder stabs him and drags him to the infirmary.
- Gunpowder goes berserk and attempts to stab a domesticated gazelle; Nonlinear and Johnnie approach him from behind while he's distracted, shoot him and drag him to the infirmary.

I mean my goodness if this isn't a commentary on america what is???

bapo! · Post by **bapo!** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 11:09 am

Well, at least mine was an heroic death. Better than getting attacked by an emu.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 12:31 pm

bapo! wrote:Well, at least mine was an heroic death. Better than getting attacked by an emu.

Damn, that's a hard way to go.

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 12:35 pm

I'm surprised I lasted this long with only a blown-off foot, given that my entire existence is to bring a knife to a gun-fight.

Gunpowder · Post by **Gunpowder** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 12:35 pm

But like, just let me stab the gazelle, amirite?

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 12:44 pm

Johnny Carwash wrote: Sancarlos goes berserk again and stomps off with his rifle, determined to shoot any living thing in his field of view. Since he's wandered a ways away from the base, we decide to just stay clear of him this time, hoping it passes. Then he sees an emu walking by and opens fire. The emu rushes him and mercilessly pecks him to death! We kill and eat the emu in his memory.

You say "we" eat the emu... I'm correct in assuming I go my own route in this scenario, right?

I mean, that's fresh manmeat sittin' right there.

sancarlos · Post by **sancarlos** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 1:04 pm

Nonlinear FC wrote:
Johnny Carwash wrote: Sancarlos goes berserk again and stomps off with his rifle, determined to shoot any living thing in his field of view. Since he's wandered a ways away from the base, we decide to just stay clear of him this time, hoping it passes. Then he sees an emu walking by and opens fire. The emu rushes him and mercilessly pecks him to death! We kill and eat the emu in his memory.
You say "we" eat the emu... I'm correct in assuming I go my own route in this scenario, right?

I mean, that's fresh manmeat sittin' right there.

If I ever meet your wife, I'm telling her you once proposed to eat me.

Nonlinear FC · Post by **Nonlinear FC** » Wed Dec 14, 2016 1:08 pm

We're getting into Giff territory there, sc.

Best moment of Swampvilles I-V