Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2017 - The Final Countdown

Okay . . . let's try this again.

Moderators: Shirley, Sabo, brian, rass, DaveInSeattle

Best moment of Swampvilles I-V

howard dies due to lack of medical attention
0
No votes
BSF accidentally shoots and kills wlu_lax
1
6%
everything Marshmallow
1
6%
sancarlos pecked to death by an emu
1
6%
Johnnie lets Gunpowder and Ryan burn to death
0
No votes
degen's mom makes a sculpture of degen humping a capybara
4
25%
Swamp votes to let Moreta get eaten by wolves, but she survives
3
19%
bfj's sculptures as a collected oeuvre
6
38%
 
Total votes: 16

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Johnny Carwash
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

Finally, a potential new recruit: a guy named Clovis DeCat(!) who is being chased by The Sniper Society who we tangled with earlier. You can't turn away a guy with a name that awesome.

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Here come the pirates, three of them and well-armed, but they make the mistake of splitting up. We'll stay in a single group and bumrush them. Here's the first one. Sabo plugs her a couple times in the torso and Marshmallow tears out her throat. She drops an Uzi--fuck yeah! Bengal picks it up.

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The other two pirates are trying to break through the door on the other side. We're waiting, motherfuckers. BSF and Sabo take aim from behind the brewing table while wlu_lax and rass wait with Marshmallow at the sides of the door.

The pirates give up trying to break down the door and start to flee. We go after them. Sabo suddenly shows uncanny precision and drops one with multiple pistol shots from long range! BSF gets the other! They're both still alive. Time to try the take prisoners/try to recruit thing again.

That was a hell of a fight, but we prevailed. We didn't escape unscathed, though:
-BSF suffered five gunshot wounds, including one to each kidney, but is still walking around(!)
-wlu_lax was shot in the chest with a shotgun but was wearing an armor vest. He was also beaten repeatedly with rifle butts.
-bengal has a "permanent gunshot injury to the brain" but so far I can't tell how this is going to affect him. We'll see.
-Sabo has a minor gunshot wound to the torso.
-Clovis, the new guy, was thoroughly riddled with bullets largely because I used him as a human shield to protect you guys. It looks like he'll recover, though.
-rass was the only one not injured.

Incidentally, our friends from Growth's Mesa are stopping by again. They make themselves at home and eat our food without asking, but decline to offer any help to the seriously wounded people lying all over the place.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

wlu_lax has gotten an infection. It's "minor," but that's how howard's started out. We're going to prioritize his treatment.

Now Bengal has a "head infection." That doesn't sound good.

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Oh, shit! wlu_lax has gone berserk and attacks BSF with his knife! Rass and Sabo subdue him. but not before BSF suffers eight stab wounds. Back to the infirmary for both of them. wlu_lax's violent rage has subsided into a "catharsis" and hopefully his violent impulses will pass.

I wasn't quite sure what to do with the prisoners, but a solution has presented itself. A "pirate merchant" is passing by and has offered to buy both the prisoners from us. In exchange they are offering a variety of supplies including "smokeleaf", the game's thinly-veiled version of pot. I thought of putting this up for a Swamp vote but then realized how ridiculously self-evident the result would be. Done deal.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by rass »

How do we obtain a mop?
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

Image
Ah, shit. Bengal, proving the plurality of predictions correct, has died from the infection resulting from his gunshot wound to the head. Too bad. He was actually far less useless than I expected.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by tennbengal »

Ah well. It was a good run.
Last edited by tennbengal on Thu Dec 08, 2016 8:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Ryan »

Johnny Carwash wrote: -bengal has a "permanent gunshot injury to the brain" but so far I can't tell how this is going to affect him.
He'll win a coach's challenge?
he’s a fixbking cyborg or some shit. The

holy fuckbAllZ, what a ducking nightmare. Holy shot. Just, fuck. The
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by tennbengal »

actually far less useless than I expected
That's on my family crest.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

The Sniper Society are back, but this time there's just one. He's got grenades, though--we don't want to make a mistake here.

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We meet him outside the gates and use shoot-and-move tactics to evade his grenades. THIS IS FOR BENGAL, BITCH! Sabo wheels to the right, and with a perfectly-aimed shotgun blast, blows the pirate's brain out from his skull. But--not before the pirate lobs one last grenade. Our guys safely get out of the way, but...

...Marshmallow obliviously wanders out to the grenade, which detonates...
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by rass »

...!
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by rass »

And if I can back up a screenshot or two, who is that sleeping next to me with a pancake in his bed?
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

Image
Marshmallow lives! His body is totally shredded by shrapnel, but we patch him up and it looks like he will make a full recovery.

Meanwhile, BSF has suddenly come down with a severe infection from his earlier wounds. This is complicated by our only true medic, rass, being totally blazed on the space-pot we bought from the traders. Fortunately rass manages to retain enough of his faculties to give BSF decent treatment and he pulls through.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

rass wrote:How do we obtain a mop?
People will eventually clean the floors when they have down time, but right now not getting murdered or starving to death are taking priority.
rass wrote:And if I can back up a screenshot or two, who is that sleeping next to me with a pancake in his bed?
That's bengal right after he died. When someone dies, their name stops appearing under their body on the main game screen.

I should be back around lunch time with a few more updates.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by A_B »

I'll admit to cracking up so much my wife also wanted to know what I was laughing about. Since she's passingly aware of the swamp, I started to tell her, but when I said swamp she says "say no more" !
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by duff »

A_B wrote:I'll admit to cracking up so much my wife also wanted to know what I was laughing about. Since she's passingly aware of the swamp, I started to tell her, but when I said swamp she says "say no more" !
That was my wife's reaction, too.
To quote both Bruce Prichard and Tony Schiavone, "Fuck Duff Meltzer."
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Ryan »

Image

Image
he’s a fixbking cyborg or some shit. The

holy fuckbAllZ, what a ducking nightmare. Holy shot. Just, fuck. The
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Gunpowder »

This is amazing.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

Image
So after the mayhem of the last few days, things have quieted down a bit, giving us the chance to further improve our base and build up our resources. Kind of running into some logistical problems, though. We're getting to a point where our solar panels aren't quite enough to meet our power needs, but we lack the electronic components to build a stronger power plant. Winter is also setting in, and we've hit a cold snap. We'll need to heat with wood in the meantime.

That's bengal's grave in the lower right, by the way. It may not be much, but at least it's better than the "tossed on a trash heap until your corpse dessicates and/or is picked clean by scavenging wildlife" treatment we give to our enemies.

Hey, another new joiner. His name is Chewy, a 72 year old missionary. He is described as "very neurotic" but otherwise seems like a decent guy.

Rass gets food poisoning but then decides to throw a party in his lab. Rass vomits on the floor of the party area but this does not appear to faze anybody.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by rass »

I was about to post in the "shit that makes you feel old thread" that it's sad that my Rimworld avatar can boot and rally and I can't anymore, but then I remembered I did just that the last time I was really drunk. Though I threw up super early in the day and stopped drinking after that, but I was able to perform basic functions like walk and keep track of my kids, so...
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

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The Sniper Society finally returns, and this time we get the dreaded "unusually clever with their tactics" descriptor. There are three of them, named Lynx, Alessia, and Chili.

Lynx is quickly shot through the head and drops dead. Alessia attempts to lob grenades but Sabo kills her with multiple shotgun blasts. The last pirate, Chili, closes with wlu_lax and they have a 1-on-1 knife fight. Chili is no match and wlu_lax quickly fills him with puncture wounds. Chili disengages and starts to flee, but we want blood. BSF, with his high-powered sniper rifle, draws a bead and pull the trigger--

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--but just at that moment wlu_lax runs into the line of fire and the shot pierces his heart, killing him instantly.

Fuck you, Chili, and fuck me for my sloppy tactics. RIP wlu_lax. You go next to bengal.

Sabo is curiously slightly happy that wlu_lax died.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by rass »

Is that a bear?

And how does the game determine the severity and/or location of injuries? Is that all luck? BSF got stabbed 8 times earlier!
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

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BSF throws a party after a successful beaver hunt. Here he is, apparently telling people to talk to the hand.

It turns out that our new joiner, Chewy, has an artistic streak and sets about making a sculpture. The finished sculpture is entitled "Sympathy of Sabo" and depicts Sabo twisting the ear of a captured pirate during a past battle. It is described as having Cubist elements.

Remember my "don't automatically grant refuge to everyone" advice I gave myself earlier? Got an issue along those lines now. A guy named Dunc appears pursued by tribespeople and asking for help. We say yes, only to discover he is an antisocial, drug-addicted know-it-all with no skills besides medicine, which we already have covered. He also has bad '80s poodle rock hair.

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I attempt to avoid the dilemma by instructing him to run a "diversion" directly at the attackers in the subsequent battle, but he merely proceeds to end up seriously wounded. I start thinking what the impact might be if we conveniently "forget" to come to Dunc's aid. Then for a moment it looks like rass is going to go to Dunc's aid, but was actually just picking up a joint from the corpse of one of the attackers.

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Ah, fuck. Chewy decides to be a good guy and takes Dunc in. Now we have to tolerate this asshole. Or do we? Chewy steps away from the medical room and I instruct rass to stop by and quietly "euthanize" Dunc. Problem solved. rass proceeds to "relax socially" in the dining room.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Shirley »

rass wrote:BSF got stabbed 8 times earlier!
Yeah, by wlu_lax. I think BSF got him back.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by P.D.X. »

What's with the bear?
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by rass »

P.D.X. wrote:What's with the bear?
I think I gave him a joint? Or I'm going to die trying to take it from him?
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by A_B »

Johnny Carwash wrote: We're getting to a point where our solar panels aren't quite enough to meet our power needs
Don't come bitchin to me. I told you people.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by wlu_lax6 »

Johnny Carwash wrote: --but just at that moment wlu_lax runs into the line of fire and the shot pierces his heart, killing him instantly.
depriving passing ships of obscure lacrosse articles
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Sabo »

A_B wrote:
Johnny Carwash wrote: We're getting to a point where our solar panels aren't quite enough to meet our power needs
Don't come bitchin to me. I told you people.
Image
THERE’S NOWT WRONG WITH GALA LUNCHEONS, LAD!
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by rass »

I'm going to write some Swampville II fanfic, loosely based on Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, where a giant lacrosse stick shaped space probe stops by Rimword to chat lax with wlu_lax and then starts to destroy the planet when it gets no response. The colonists will need to band together, create time-travel, travel to the past and rescue/kidnap wlu_lax and get him back to the present. The probe ceases its destruction upon transmission of the Orlando Titans logo.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by mister d »

"Guys, an urgent message from Wlu-Lax is coming through!"

"What's it say?"

"It says 'Their kidnaping me and holding me for sports pitcher ransome'."
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

rass wrote:And how does the game determine the severity and/or location of injuries? Is that all luck? BSF got stabbed 8 times earlier!
It's basically random. Though in this case BSF was using a high-powered sniper rifle that we got off the pirates earlier, so that was a factor as well.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

OK, current game's entered a little bit of a slow stretch. A group of slave traders have waltzed into our base, non-hostile, assuming we approve of their kind. Anyone want to go Django on them? Note that this would likely put us in open war with another sizeable faction. I'll take the direction of the first person who responds.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by rass »

Do they have alcohol or drugs?
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

rass wrote:Do they have alcohol or drugs?
I think beer, but no more than what we already have on hand.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Gunpowder »

FUCK THEM UP

EDIT: AND TAKE THEIR DRUGS

Maybe one of you will get hooked and make some bad ass 90s grunge albums.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

Johnny Carwash wrote:OK, current game's entered a little bit of a slow stretch. A group of slave traders have waltzed into our base, non-hostile, assuming we approve of their kind. Anyone want to go Django on them? Note that this would likely put us in open war with another sizeable faction. I'll take the direction of the first person who responds.
Gunpowder wrote:FUCK THEM UP
Remember this, guys.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by rass »

I wanted to get stoned and/or drunk. I'm living vicariously at this point.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

Swampville II picks up a trio of new joiners over the course of a few days:

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- Marjot, a tribeswoman we take captive after a battle and convince to join. Marjot was raised by wolves, but somehow ended up with advanced scientific and medical knowledge. Remember Chewy, the 72-year-old missionary who joined us a while ago? He and Marjot, who is 30 years his junior, immediately take a liking to one another and become a couple.
- A wanderer named Rhiadra who shows up naked except for an armor vest and a sword. She is a veterinarian and is BSF's girlfriend.
- Anders, a biosphere manager, who also wanders in naked except for an armor vest (What the fuck is it with this? Is it a new space fashion?)

New joiners now outnumber original Swamp colonists 5 to 3. Feel threatened?

The sculpture of Sabo nets $185 on the open market. Not bad!

BSF asks Rhiadra to marry him and is rejected! Their relationship is over and she now surpasses Sabo as his least-favorite person. BSF goes on an eating binge due to his mental distress.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by rass »

I got a new hat!
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

A group of slave traders from a faction called Blue Wallaby Tasco strolls into our neighborhood. As noted above, since I'm bored I ask the Swamp if we should engage in an unprovoked attack to express our disapproval at their profession, and the first answer back is Gunpowder's FUCK THEM UP. So, here we go.

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The slave traders are named Spider, Cod, and Miñoca (Worm), which I guess is sufficient evidence to conclude they are bad people who deserve to die.

We set up in front of them and at the signal, unload in unison. Lightly armed and caught completely unaware, they go down easily. We get the following haul:
- $1515 in silver currency
- 215 bottles of beer
- a domesticated muffalo (but it was killed in the crossfire)
- various other items of lesser value

It's pretty safe to assume this will have no further repercussions, right?

Rass fights with the newly joined Anders over an insult. Anders wins the fight but is a good sport and immediately takes Rass to the infirmary for aid.

An escape pod crashes and its occupant is a woman named Pleixoto, who turns out to be wlu_lax's girlfried. Should we tell her? We give her aid and she leaves after a while. Unsure if she ever found out.

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Remember this building early on that we sensed contained an "ancient danger?" Well, we've finished excavating the area around it. Should we try to get inside? Maybe not right now.
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Re: Swamp RimWorld Challenge 2016

Post by Johnny Carwash »

So, not long after that "incident" earlier, we see Kristy, a 64-year-old medieval minstrel (?) seeking refuge from the same Blue Wallaby Tasco faction. Sure enough, here they come on her tail.

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And...1,2,3...18! Twice as big as any group we've seen before, with names like Trout and Leopard and Dog and shit. I have a feeling they're here for more than Kristy, and this might have to do with that whole "murdered a few of them without provocation" thing from before. They're armed with just bows and clubs, but still, 18! Hey Gunpowder, hope you're proud of your infantile need for drama at any cost.

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Oh, fuck. BSF, our best marksman, is hit in the leg by a thrown spear and collapses in pain, taking him out of the fight early on. The attackers swarm over our meager barricade and pummel us with clubs, while others continue to attack from afar with throwing spears and arrows. Rass rushes in and is battered around, and also takes a few friendly fire shots from behind, putting him down as well.

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Sabo swings around to the left with Marshmallow at his side and--oh shit! Marshmallow is hit by three throwing spears at once and dies!

Rhiadra, BSF's ex-girlfriend, is impaled by two spears and dies instantly. BSF, though on the ground in excruciating pain as the battle rages around him, gets a slight happiness boost at seeing her die. Marjot is pierced by multiple spears and arrows and follows quickly in death. Now Sabo is down with critical injuries as well.

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The few colonists still standing attempt to pull the wounded to safety. About half the attackers have been killed, but they still outnumber us and have now entered the base, setting shit on fire and looking for stragglers to kill. Kristy, who we just rescued, earns her (considerable) weight by carrying several of the wounded to safety. She beats a stray attacker to death with her club, which to our great fortune finally convinces the others to call off their attack and leave.

We've "won" the battle, but our situation is still beyond dire. We've lost two dead, and all of our Swamper colonists are incapacitated, including rass, our best medic.
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