The Swamp

rass wrote:

Couldn't love this more.

A new refugee. It's sancarlos! Again!


sancarlos miraculously managed to survive his apparent death at the hands of an emu and came back looking more like his real-life self. He is also gay this time. In quick succession, he hits on brian, chedda, and Bronto and is rejected each time, leading to a negative mood hit.


Rush has a mental breakdown and self-medicates.


As we finally emerge from the bitter winter and into the growing season, the game decides to be a complete asshole and hits us with a toxic fallout that will poison anyone who spends more than a short time outside. Fortunately, we have a large stockpile of food and have set up some indoor growing areas to pull us through. The fallout period lasts for the majority of the summer before it's safe to go outside again.

Another refugee joins, named Zlata. She is Rush's mom! Like brian's mom, she was cryogenically frozen years ago and so is biologically younger than her son.

After a fight with pirates, brian gets his hands on a power armor helmet and now walks around looking like Bane:

The prospect of spending half the year in a snowbound icebox and the other half in a toxic dystopia must sound more appealing from the outside, because new joiners continue to stream in.


TT is still trying to figure out what to do with his life. He worked odd jobs to finance his love of traveling the galaxy on a shoestring budget. He has a mediocre set of all-around skills and is also a massive pothead subject to mental breakdowns if he goes too long without a joint.


Rex worked as a middle manager in a government office, but despite this has actually managed to develop decent social skills. He is a hard worker but can sometimes be abrasive. He is unusually sensitive to psychic phenomena.

Also joining is Violet, DSafe's sister. (Should we tell her?) Bronto takes an immediate disliking to her because she is lazy.


The pirates from The Nutty Lineup have returned and we move out to engage. One of them has a "doomsday rocket launcher," which is just as bad as it sounds. A single round hits the middle of our attack group and kills the following:
- Rush!
- brian's mom, Nails
- a turkey that had been walking by

Additionally, brian's torso is "shredded" and his head is set on fire, but he manages to survive. After a fierce fight we inflict enough casualties on the pirates to cause them to flee.

Rush's mom reacts to the trauma of his death by going on an eating binge.

The timberwolves strike again!


Shit, this place is home to the most insane timberwolves since Isaiah Rider. This time the unfortunate victim is sancarlos, who gets caught alone while out gathering resources. Others rush to try to save him, but it's too late, and sancarlos falls victim to the wildlife for a second time.

Here's an update on bfj's sculpture output:
- Rush "brutally murdering" DSafe (WTF bfj, it was an accident)
- a notorious policeman (Moreta?) in a "depiction of hugs"
- a boxer eating a mushroom while a dead turkey poses nearby
- an abstracted depiction of blood
- a father eating a gourd
- Brian hunting an elk
- a raccoon wearing power armor next to a guinea pig
- DSafe's sister Violet walking around naked
- Rush's mom Zlata walking around naked and breathing heavily
- a sabre with a dinosaur in the background
- plus like 10 different sculptures of Shirley just sitting at a table doing research. Sounds like someone has a stalker.

The batch nets $5600 from an exotic goods trader. So, between the entertainment value of the sculpture descriptions and the steady source of income, maybe bfj really is the most valuable colony member and deserves the preferential treatment he demands.

And with that we're caught up. More to come probably tomorrow.

What medium does BFJ work in?


No reason for Shirley to worry until the "Shirley walking around naked and deep-throating a gourd" sculpture.

Johnny Carwash wrote: Here's an update on bfj's sculpture output:

- a raccoon wearing power armor next to a guinea pig

I may not know art, but I know what I like. I would pay for that myself.

Pruitt wrote:

Johnny Carwash wrote: Here's an update on bfj's sculpture output:

- a raccoon wearing power armor next to a guinea pig

I may not know art, but I know what I like. I would pay for that myself.

Isn't that just Guardians of the Galaxy? This raises the question is BFJ a real artist or just the strange guy smoking cigs with a van of canvases outside of my office every day.

Johnny Carwash wrote: - plus like 10 different sculptures of Shirley just sitting at a table doing research. Sounds like someone has a stalker.

Hey there.

That's not how you inject a banana!

Another "who should this be?"

Swamper most likely to show up at your place uninvited and wearing no clothes, huh?

rass wrote:What medium does BFJ work in?


No reason for Shirley to worry until the "Shirley walking around naked and deep-throating a gourd" sculpture.

That's the only place you'll see my name and "medium" in the same sentence.

rass wrote:Swamper most likely to show up at your place uninvited and wearing no clothes, huh?

AB the Lit.

bfj wrote:

rass wrote:What medium does BFJ work in?


No reason for Shirley to worry until the "Shirley walking around naked and deep-throating a gourd" sculpture.

That's the only place you'll see my name and "medium" in the same sentence.

Quick, sculpt me a snare drum.

Quiet around here. Almost too quiet.

Sorry for the lack of updates, have been kind of preoccupied the last few days. I do have more content and will see about posting this evening or tomorrow morning.

Uh-oh. That looks like trouble coming our way. Not that I'm going to tell those useless two-legged pieces of trash.

Alright, we're back. Aside from the occasional mauling by wildlife or enemy raid, we've largely stabilized our base and have healthy stockpiles of food and supplies, and continue to make progress on upgrading our facilities and equipment.

I mentioned before that TT showed up at our based inflicted with a space-pot dependency. We've committed to helping him break it by having a settlement-wide moratorium on the stuff until his withdrawal passes. In the meantime though, he's going to be on edge and especially prone to mental breaks.


Shirley makes the mistake of casually insulting TT in the rec room and gets a fractured jaw.


OK, here's our biggest threat in a while. A trio of mechanoids, armed with "charge lances" firing extremely lethal rounds. They enter our base and fan out, and we use quick maneuvers with concentrated firepower to drop the first two. The last one proves much tougher as we struggle to land effective hits, with its shots blazing dangerously close to our group.


Steve bravely makes a flanking maneuver to distract it. He draws its attention and attempts to evade by running in a serpentine pattern, but--a round hits him in the back and blows out his stomach and right lung, killing him instantly! Seconds later we take down the mechanoid. RIP Steve, your loss was not in vain (or was it)?

Good news! TT has completed his space-pot withdrawal, and can now consume in moderation without any ill effects. We can now break out our accumulated stash.

We're hit by a couple of minor disease outbreaks:
- chedda, Rex, and TT come down with "gut worms." This is not life-threatening but causes increased food consumption and accompanying vomiting for a few days.
- Just as their previous afflictions pass, chedda and TT come down with "fibrous mechanites." This results in an increased energy level but accompanied by increasing pain for a few days until it passes.

Here's an update on bfj's artistic output:
- a timber wolf killing sancarlos "without emotion or expression"
- jackals playing cards
- a hungry policeman wearing pants, with a dentist waiting underneath
- more naked sculptures of DSafe's sister Violet and Rush's mom Zlata
- TT vomiting on the ground while a seal eats it
- TT covered in dried vomit, convulsing violently, while others look on
- a goat wearing a top hat flying through the air
- bfj covered in dried vomit while surrounded by tiny polar bears

This batch nets us a total of $5900 from a merchant. This shit is catching on!

Will be back with more updates around lunchtime. In the meantime I've updated the poll to vote on who dies next.

The answer better be "anyone but bfj".

Johnny Carwash wrote: - a goat wearing a top hat flying through the air

So, did the programmers who made RimWorld also responsible for Goat Simulator? Because that line makes me think so.

Clearly, I have entered my Vomit period. Getting just the right look for dried vomit is no picnic.

tennbengal wrote:The answer better be "anyone but bfj".

Yeah, didn't expect "protect bfj at all costs so he can keep making fucked-up art" to become the underpinning principle of our military strategy.

Lunch update:

A new refugee--hey look, it's travzilla!


travzilla was a boy scout growing up, has no interest in intellectual or artistic pursuits, and is a teetotaler. Basically he is Space Mike Pence. He does have some knowledge of crafting.


Wow, travzilla must be a popular dude, because a massive swarm of tribespeople follow on his tail, around 20 of them. Luckily, they're only armed with primitive weapons, but their sheer numbers still pose a threat. We'd built some sandbag positions at the main avenues of approach, which will help us a lot here.


And here we go. A hail of fire from our position mows down the majority of the attackers within seconds. They get in one good shot, though--brian takes an arrow in the left eye. He'll survive, but he's now half-blind, which won't help his marksmanship in future battles.

Wow, these people must *really* want trav back, because just minutes after the first attack is driven off, they send another wave from the opposite direction. We quickly scramble to the defense. (By the way, Satsuki here is a timber wolf that self-domesticated and joined the colony.)


Hey chedda, look at this asshole trying to copy your name! chedda sneaks up and gets in a couple shots before unleashing Blimp to tear him apart. Within a short time this second attack is defeated as well.

With the money made from bfj's sculptures, we buy a bionic eye for brian. Rex successfully performs the operation, and not only does brian get his sight back, but it's now superhuman.

Johnny Carwash wrote:With the money made from bfj's sculptures, we buy a bionic eye for brian. Rex successfully performs the operation, and not only does brian get his sight back, but it's now superhuman.

So it can see PJ Fleck leading the Gophers to a national championship in the next three years?

Johnny Carwash wrote: With the money made from bfj's sculptures, we buy a bionic eye for brian. Rex successfully performs the operation, and not only does brian get his sight back, but it's now superhuman.

We can rebuild him, we have the technology. Only wish we had enough to replace the kidney also.

Johnny Carwash wrote: - TT vomiting on the ground while a seal eats it
- TT covered in dried vomit, convulsing violently, while others look on
- a goat wearing a top hat flying through the air
- bfj covered in dried vomit while surrounded by tiny polar bears

Holy shit. This is amazing. I can't stop laughing. I'm waiting for that seal to be summarily fisted.

Johnny Carwash wrote:

tennbengal wrote:The answer better be "anyone but bfj".

Yeah, didn't expect "protect bfj at all costs so he can keep making fucked-up art" to become the underpinning principle of our military strategy.

Works for Trump. So why not in virtual dystopialand?

Johnny Carwash wrote: - TT vomiting on the ground while a seal eats it
- TT covered in dried vomit, convulsing violently, while others look on.

Sounds like he's celebrating his birthday.

So I hadn't mentioned this before because we hadn't really gotten within striking distance in our previous colonies, but there is a way to "win" a game of RimWorld: by building and successfully launching a spaceship with your colonists aboard. It requires advancing to the highest levels of research and shit-ton of resources, some of which can only be acquired in special circumstances, but I think we have at least an outside shot this time if we keep working and can protect the base. I'll detail the plans in the next updates, assuming something horrific doesn't happen in the meantime.

Why not just steal one?

Another "name that Swamper." Preferably someone who hasn't been featured yet:

Johnny Carwash wrote:Another "name that Swamper." Preferably someone who hasn't been featured yet:

Undead bapo?

He mostly lurks, but kinda looks like SpongeLikeNinja.

brian wrote:He mostly lurks, but kinda looks like SpongeLikeNinja.

Thanks! This works.

No real updates today, last few hours of game time have been relatively uneventful. We're going to start working toward building a ship. If you're interested, here's what our base currently looks like and what all the rooms are. To the southwest is where we're going to build an extension to house the ship:



Will be back after the weekend.

BFJ just in there sculpting away for our amusement. Good job BFJ.

Damn, we have a pretty big base this time. What's Bronto cooking up in the chem lab?

BSF21 wrote:BFJ just in there sculpting away for our amusement. Good job BFJ.

Johnny Carwash wrote:So I hadn't mentioned this before because we hadn't really gotten within striking distance in our previous colonies, but there is a way to "win" a game of RimWorld: by building and successfully launching a spaceship with your colonists aboard. It requires advancing to the highest levels of research and shit-ton of resources, some of which can only be acquired in special circumstances, but I think we have at least an outside shot this time if we keep working and can protect the base. I'll detail the plans in the next updates, assuming something horrific doesn't happen in the meantime.

So, if these guys go back to their home planet(s), is their mission a success? Or are they just sawft and can't cut it in the New World? You didn't see me running away from emus. I came here to work, yo.

bapo! wrote:

Johnny Carwash wrote:So I hadn't mentioned this before because we hadn't really gotten within striking distance in our previous colonies, but there is a way to "win" a game of RimWorld: by building and successfully launching a spaceship with your colonists aboard. It requires advancing to the highest levels of research and shit-ton of resources, some of which can only be acquired in special circumstances, but I think we have at least an outside shot this time if we keep working and can protect the base. I'll detail the plans in the next updates, assuming something horrific doesn't happen in the meantime.

So, if these guys go back to their home planet(s), is their mission a success? Or are they just sawft and can't cut it in the New World? You didn't see me running away from emus. I came here to work, yo.

Who says they're going to their home planet? I say if it works, we run it back with this squad at a new location on a new planet.